We were
not expecting you so quickly. I
got off birth control in May, thinking it would take me AT LEAST 6 months to conceive again, like
it did Beckahm (or even longer because they tell you the 2nd
time around takes much longer). I
was shocked when I started feeling pregnancy symptoms one month later, in
June. I brushed these symptoms aside thinking it must be my crazy womanly
hormones.
After missing my period
in June I took a birth control test which came out postive. The test had expired in May so I went
to the grocery store and got another one just to make sure. This time around I kept the news from your
Daddy because I wanted it to be a surprise. I took pictures of your brother Beckahm holding a sign that
said “#1”, and me holding another sign (pointed at my belly) that said “#2”, and I gave him the pictures on
his day off out to dinner at The Cheesecake Factory.
Boy was your daddy shocked.
To be
honest motherhood is harder than I thought it would be, definitely rewarding,
but hard. I started to feel a bit
anxious and worried that I would not be able to manage two babies. Beckahm has
been hard to raise the past few months, which made me reconsider having more
children, but on the other hand I put my faith and
trust in the Lord that if HE had confidence in me to be a mother to more of his
children than he help me be a good mother. And so you came into the world little one.
Truly, I was excited that Beckahm was going to have a baby brother or
sister; he is quite the social person, and I knew he would love to be in the company of another
buddy. I do worry how he will
accept this new transition of him not being the only baby in the home, but I guess that
is apart of the fun and new experience of having a second child.
I am a tad stressed right now because we don’t have health insurance and the company your daddy works for (we just relocated to Florida) won’t be offering insurance till
November, so I don’t know what we are going to do. We also don’t have a lot of money and we have a lot of debt
to pay off. But things always work
out, we just need to put our faith and trust in the Lord. I am adding my pregnancy experience,
month by month, to the one I wrote for Beckahm (fyi that is where you can find
it if you care to know what kind of symptoms I had with you in the womb).
Right now
I have the feeling that you are a boy.
I was right last time around when everyone else thought I was having a
girl, so we shall see if I am right once again. Of course we would LOVE to have one of each—a boy and a
girl—but we will be happy with whatever spirit decides to come into our home at
this time. I am still not past the
point of miscarrying so I don’t want to spread the news just yet, but it is
definitely killing me to keep this inside!
...................................................................................................................................................................
I am past
the point of miscarrying now, and we have been waiting and anticipating to find
out the sex of our baby.
We had our
first doctor appointment after finally getting approved for Medicaid. I was 13 weeks and the doctor said
everything looked great. I don’t
have my first ultrasound until I am 18 weeks.
This
pregnancy has been pretty similar to my pregnancy with Beck’s. I crave the same types of foods: salty,
savory, and vinegary. I feel like
I have been a lot more tired than my first, and I have had various random pains/cramps
that come and go. I have also felt a bit more depressed and anxious this time
around. It is hard to enjoy the pregnancy because I am constantly taking care
of Beckahm and assisting him in his needs.
This
pregnancy has been stressful because we found out that we have to move from
Florida (we have only been here 5 months) to Kentucky in less than a week. I was seriously distraught by the
surprising news (due to issues with Mike’s work), especially since we just got
insurance and we just found a doctor.
We have to pack up our entire life and start over—finding insurance, a
doctor, getting situated—in less than a week.
***5 days
before we were supposed to leave for Kentucky we had our first ultrasound. We were so excited to find out what we
were having. Beck’s came with us
and he wasn’t too happy seeing the doctor put gel and a sensor on my
belly. It seemed the ultrasound
was taking longer than ususal, but we were excited and relieved to finally find
out we were having a boy. I was
supposed to get my blood taken because the doctor wanted to check that I was indeed rh-negative. Something
quite shocking and surprising happened instead: we were called into the genetic
specialists office and she proceeded to tell us that they found two possibly concerning abnormalities in the baby.
They found a white mark on the baby’s heart, and a cyst on the babies
brain. She said that one in five
babies were found with one of these marks and that they could end up meaning
nothing (the baby could be born completely healthy and fine even though he had
these), but that they were more concerned with this finding because 2 things were found in the baby. The brain cyst could possibly result in
downsyndrome, and the white mark, known as trisomy 18, would end up resulting
in severe retardation and ultimately death (most don’t live longer than
year).
I felt sick to my stomach
upon hearing the news; my heart
dropped, I couldn’t believe this was happening. After having such a healthy pregnancy/delivery with Beckahm,
this seemed so surreal that they even found ANYTHING slightly wrong with our
second child. The genetic
specialist explained there were two tests I could undergo: 1) was an amnio
withdrawl, where they stick a needle in my tummy and draw amnio fluid from the
baby and have it tested to see if there are any genetic abnormalities; 2) was a
blood test. The blood test proved
99.1% accurate, the amnio test proved 100%. There were no risks doing the blood test, but there were
risks of the amnio—a possible miscarriage (I would have to be on bed rest for
two days after the test was over to prevent this from happening). After
speaking with us about all of our options, and the risks of each option, Mike
and I spoke privately and we decided to do the amnio test. Although I was super scared of a
possible miscarriage, I knew I would always wonder if my baby was the 1% that
the blood test didn’t detect. I
had to know 100% if my baby was going to be healthy or not.
I had to
go back to the doctor later that day to have the test done (Mike stayed home to
help me with Beckahm). It was a
dramatic experience because they needed my blood work faxed from my doctor
first and they couldn’t get it and the doctor who was supposed to do the amnio
test was getting upset and anxious, wanting to go home. . . it was one of the
hardest, most stressful days. I
got the test done, got my rogham shot for my rh-negative blood type, and got my
blood drawn to check for any other abnormalities.
I came
home and bawled my eyes out. Mike
was there to comfort me and help me through it. We were both in disbelief that our baby could either die or
be born with downsyndrome. I can’t
describe all of the emotions that washed over me: fear, anger, disbelief, pain,
a feeling of complete incompetence (I know, just in raising Beckahm and how
hard it is for me to be a mom, that I can’t raise a child with disablities). The horrible part about this current
situation (amongst moving in a few days, having to find a new doctor and
explain my entire situation over again) is we have to wait two weeks to find
out the results. 2 weeks of hell
and turmoil.
The past
24hours have been a blur; Mike and I talk about every scenario that could
happen and what our life would be like either way. I have felt super tired today and have felt cramps from the
test done yesterday, which they say is normal. It has been so hard having to shift my focus from one thing
to the next: moving, packing, taking care of Beck’s, and thinking there might
be something wrong with my baby.
Things are at a stand still right now. We haven’t been able to celebrate like we wanted too—once
we found out the sex— because we don’t even know if we are having this baby; we
haven’t been able to plan the babies room or buy anything, come up with a name,
etc.
Without
going into any detail regarding what the abnormalities could possibly be
because we don’t know what decision we will make in the coming weeks due to the
results, we told our families our baby might have some serious complications
and to keep him in their prayers.
There is
not much else we can do at this point but focus on the present, try to be as
positive and hopeful as we can, and wait for the news—the biggest news of our
life. I feel so sad for this little guy, just knowing he might not be well
makes me cry.
.............................................................................................................................................
The best
news came to us 10 days after we took our tests: all of the results came back
negative, which means we are having one healthy little boy! Relief and excitement
washed over us! Now we can focus on the present and move forward in our plans
(getting the nursery ready, and figuring out a name for this little man).
.............................................................................................................................................
You are
now 7months old, and everything looks normal. I met with your uncle Jared who gave your daddy some helpful
tips in helping this delivery be an easier one than Beckahm's (I hope to be able
to have a successful v-back). I
have met with a few doctors in KY and found one that accepted my Medicaid. At The Associates For Women clinic I
met a midwife that I feel very comfortable with and who I feel will help me
have a successful v-back. I can
only hope your delivery is less stressful than your brothers.
You have
been moving like crazy—kicking me a lot more than your brother.
I can feel you growing enormously on the inside. It is getting harder to workout and harder to do simple things. It seems I feel you move all the
time.
It has been fun to feel you
trying to move, stretch, and grow.
Your
brother is starting to understand, as much as he can, that there is a baby
inside of me.
We ask him “where
August is?” and he points to my tummy.
We hope he can adjust to not being the only child anymore and that you
two will love each other and be the best of friends.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
38 1/2 Weeks
My contractions are increasing every night (between 7-12am). I went into the Dr. for a checkup, you are right on track! 80% effaced and dilated to a 1.25. Looks like you will come at exactly 40 weeks, like your brother. If you don't come at 40 weeks I will have to have my membranes stripped so I can hopefully bypass a c-section this time around. Grandma Eastman will be coming to help with Beckahm, and our move to Alabama, on the 18th. Hopefully you hold off coming till then! We can't believe you are almost here! We are so excited for your arrival!
